If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
