Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I need moral support for this bender
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
