I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
