Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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