I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
