Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
