I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
