I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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