its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
