there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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