I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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