I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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