I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
