Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
