I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
