you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
