Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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