no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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