Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
