You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize