Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
