Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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