Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
