There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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