You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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