she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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