she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
