I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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