I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
