help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
