i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
