look no pants
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
