1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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