sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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