i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
