There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
