porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
