I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
