morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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