We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
