Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
