Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize