Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
