y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
