My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
