Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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