After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
