So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
accomplished twins. life is a go
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
