hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
