best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
