it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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