winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
