Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
