I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
