Just cropdusted the office
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
