I'm lost and stupid without you.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
