I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
