we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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