i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
