just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
