we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
