It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
