I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
And he claims I gave him āfuck meā eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Fuuuuuck dude, heās got #Excel in his Facebook bio; Iām screaming
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
