Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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