saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
