sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
