She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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