I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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